This little essay may seem obscure to those who are not teachers, and consequently are not constantly belabored by the phrase "
twenty-first century skills", but you who have the privilege of being fellow members of the noblest profession should see what I'm getting at.
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Siena Superior Merit School -- Siena, Italy
Prospectus for the Year 1517
Parents and students
who wish to embrace the future and who realize that the traditional dull,
stultifying rote learning of the Trivium (grammar, logic, rhetoric) and
Quadrivium (arithmetic, geometry, music, astronomy) do not prepare young people
for the exciting world of the future should consider enrollment in Italy’s most
innovative and creative educational institution, the Siena Superior Merit
School.
At SSMS, we strive to
equip our scholars with SIXTEENTH CENTURY SKILLS, the skills they will need to
succeed in the exciting modern era of the new century, a century that is so
different from all preceding centuries that entirely novel educational methods
are required.
We have instituted CENTRI
DI ECCELLENZA (CdEs) to allow students to pursue their passions in areas of
great importance for this dynamic new century:
E
The ASTROLOGY CdE:
Advances in the
highest celestial art make traditional astronomical studies all but obsolete. As
sure knowledge of this science progresses, those who grasp it fully are assured
of profitable employment. Why study the past when you can predict the future?
E The ALCHEMICAL CdE:
What young man would not thrill to the
exciting pursuit of the Philosopher’s Stone? Turn lead into gold! Experiments
in our newly-completed, ultra-modern facility, Farelli Hall, (a gift from an
alumnus most successful in the manufacture of gun- powder), will not be without
some danger, but the
survivors graduates of this CdE will be fully
equipped to lead the way in further advances in Alchemy, the Science of the
Future.
E
The THEOLOGY CdE:
Those students whose
passion is for truth and certainty will surely thrill to the careful exegesis
of sacred texts and close study of Canon Law. What can be more certain than
that, as the Holy Catholic Church enters its 1,500
th year of
existence, its eternal truths assure its unchallengeable domination of our
continent, and eventually the world? We plan to open a branch school in Wittenberg,
Germany, under the direction of Father Johann Tetzel, Europe’s foremost expert
on indulgences.
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We have also instituted
CLASSI MISCELATI (“Classes that are Blended”) to give students adequate time to
pursue their passions. These classes meet just twice per week. By a magical
process that has to be experienced to be understood, students will learn just
as much as before, even though they meet 60% less than before, in those rather
obsolescent areas—such as Italian, History, and Foreign Languages—that are really
no longer as relevant in the dynamic Sixteenth Century as they were in the
benighted twenty centuries that preceded our new, exciting age.
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Note: Pedagogues needing further enlightenment should consult "Well, Hello," the post for 7 July 2013.
